I have been struggling with severe premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) for years and it keeps getting worse as I age. So first, my period cycles are extremely short, ranging from 19-24 days, probably an average of 22 days. Starting around Day 10, things get bad, and it stays this way until Day 4-5 of my cycle approximately. My only "good" days a month where I don't have symptoms are Days 5-9 (sometimes 10 if I'm lucky). So, starting at day 10, this is what I mean by "gets bad": I start to get extremely irritable, to the point where I can punch holes in the wall etc. These aren't triggered by anything. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and feel an insane sense of rage and just have to punch through the wall. I then scream and scream and scream and the neighbors get mad. But still gotta go to work. Then I start getting sensitive to low blood sugar; which makes me more rage-y. So I carry extremely calorie dense foods with me everywhere and drink liters of water otherwise I will be a flaming bitch. I have been known to get blood lips from trying to eat too much too fast so I don't become a total bitch. But that doesn't help much. Maybe 1%? But at least the 1% is something to be thankful for. I also get debilitating cramps around this time so I can't walk or run or do anything. So think about getting outside to exercise and feel better — WRONG! You will only get more pain. Day 15-16 this all gets 10x worse. I get EXTREMELY depressed, call into work, punch things, break things, say things that I can't take back, etc. I take ativan as soon as getting out of bed and have to smoke weed and still this only puts the irritability at bay for four hours at best. I also have to drink LITERS of water and eat every hour. and still….. barely functioning. during this time I have to self-isolate bc the stuff I say and do will follow me for the rest of my life. SO I ignore texts etc and emails and get so behind on my work. I usually call in for work and have to work 100mph during my next round of 4 "good" days. By day 18, the irritability/rage is so bad it can literally put me in jail if I was around another person. I've considering throwing my cats across the room for meowing, etc. By day 20-22 I'm ready to go jump off a cliff. Then day 1 my period starts again and my cramps are so bad that I can't walk, which means I don't have energy for cliff jumping so I guess that's good, but I can't do anything else either. Then around day 4 the irritability and depression starts to fade and finally the cramps fade. Around day 8-9 I ovulate (because my cycles are so short, my follicular phase barely exists) and the whole process repeats. I am ready to give up and purchase a tent so I can become homeless, because I don't think I can work in this condition due to how bad this is. I've been to naturopaths, spiritual healers, traditional doctors, done research on my own, I'm in groups talking to others who have PMDD. Others with PMDD have found some things that helped them, which I've tried, but none of these have worked for me. I've tried all the supplement recommendations: ashwaganda, maca root, valarian root, vitex/chasteberry, shatavari, along with more "normal" supplements like L Theanine, Gaba, Shatavari, l-phosphatidylcholine, Vitamin D, fish oil, passionflower and others. why has NONE of it worked? Not one thing. I've been praying every day, doing EMDR, and just as I have hope its gonna get better – Day 10 arrives again. and again. and again. I am so much at the end of my rope it's not even funny, and everyone just wants me to be mentally strong and push through and "it'll pass" — but it only passes for four days at the most, and during those four days I have to move 100mph to make up for months of lost work. I had dreams of being a pilates teacher and having a job, but I haven't been able to hold down a job in years. I keep being intentional and trying to be more mindful and tell myself that I won't make the same mistakes again but then it happens. Sometimes I have hope that I can really do it and maybe I'm feeling better, but then Day 10 arrives. and then Day 15. and then Day 18. With the irritability/rage, it's a full body experience: I feel it in my bones, jaw, muscles, almost like there are ants crawling under my skin. If I try to "push past" these feelings they only get stronger and more self-directed. Therapy teaches you "mind over matter" and to "be stronger than your emotions" but it doesn't do ANYTHING. Hell, I went outside to try to feel better yesterday and it enraged me bc of how the wind was blowing on my face I couldn't STAND The way it felt on my skin. The sensations are literally inside my body and I can't get them out. Even breaking things doesn't really help. Weed doesn't even do anything either, though the combination of weed and ativan sometimes works. Anyway, I'm safe and at home now but had to call into work.
Lord I come to you.. begging for you to save my marriage. My husband has been carrying the financial burden and is so tired
Phillip and Marisa