living life

God I give you all the honor and praise for all the wonderful blessings you have bestowed upon me. Please forgive me of my sins those known to me and those not known to me. I did not mean to offend you. I love you with all my soul with all my might and with all my heart. God, you brought me into this world August 19, 1963. Vielka Esther Louis was born. In my heart as a youth, I always felt a strong connection to you. My mother kept me away from you for I don't know her reasoning. Throughout my life I prayed to you during my first marriage. It was during my second marriage that I felt lost. The feeling of closeness that I once felt from you seemed to have disappeared when I became a widow at age 25. I was lost for an awful long time. I did things that I thought I needed to heal from my grief and pain. None of those things helped. It just made matters worse. Running from my pain and uncertainty of my life. Ronald will and always be the man that I can truly say that he loved me. Just the way he accepted my daughter Natasha and how happy he was when he found out that we were going to have a child of our own. Ronald's world became bright. All he talked about was how happy he was that he was going to be a father a dad. Ronald was in the Army and I was in the Air Force living 5 hours away from each other we made our marriage work. When I was five months pregnant, I was giving the opportunity to join Ronald in Colorado at an Air Force Base. Ronald shared with me the growing of this beautiful child that was growing inside of me. One day Ronald told me that he was being sent to Korea and he would be leaving before the birth of our child. I had just been living in Colorado for a few months. I went to my doctor and ask for his assistance to have Ronald be at least stay with me for 6 weeks after the birth of our child. Ronald's commander approved the stay of leave. Ronald stayed for 6 weeks as we welcome our son Joseph Darnell Johnson. October 18, 1989. Joseph shared his father's features and demeanor. After 6 weeks Ronal left for Korea. After 6 months of being there Ronald came home on his mid tour. Ronald spent a month with me and the children. It was a wonderful visit. Watching Ronald bonding with Joseph brought tears to my eyes. Ronald had clothes made for Joseph and brought back shoes and clothing for Tasha and me as well. I was just so happy to have my husband home. #0 days went by so fast, and it was time for Ronald to go back to Korea. Telephone calls and letter writings was what we did again. Joseph was going to be 1 years old when Ronald time was up in Korea. My world changed terribly. I received noticed that Ronald had died during and field exercise. Ronald loved being a squad leader that he didn't have to partake in that field exercise however he did. Three weeks from returning back to Colorado he died. I was crushed, lost, anger, and ask a lot of why questions. The man who filled me up with so much love had died and that was hard for me to accept. I ran from my pain. Got involved very quickly in relationship looking for a sense of belonging. 10 years had passed, and I got out of my car in the rain and yelled at you God saying you win!!!. What do I do now? What will become of me and my children? I needed to make a life for them. Thank you, God, for the financial blessings that I received during these dark times in my life. Please forgive when I put my feelings before the feelings of my children. Having them be with my family so I can "enjoy life". I was tired. I knew that things had to change. I started reading the bible and going to church. I received my first communion and confirmation. My children were baptized, received their first communion and was confirmed. The next step was moving out of Colorado. Needed to start fresh and learn myself. I did complete my BA in psychology while living in Colorado. I moved to this beautiful city of San Antonio, Texas in 1998. I had a sister who was already living there. I stayed with her while I looked for a home for me and my children. I found a beautiful home that was blessed by GOD. and in 6 weeks I moved out of my sister's apartment into my home. I can see looking back and seeing God's grace and mercy in my life. I found a church home on Lackland Air Force Base. I was well involved in my church. When I turned 40, I felt that there was missing in my life. A mate I thought. I waited 16 years to remarried, December 9th, 2005. This man that I married was not who I was dating. I saw many red flags however the eagerness to get married I overlooked them. Our marriage was built on Shakey grounds. Built on lies. He caused a lot of strife between me and my son. This went on for 8 years. The cheating and lying needed to stop and I knew I dissevered better. I asked for a divorce, and he won't consent to a divorce. I year went by his lying continued. January 27, 2014, my heart was broken again. My son my Joseph died in a car accident. I was crushed again. My husband provided no comfort to me. He was still in competition with my son. Only focusing on himself. I knew that I needed to divorce him. So I did. He went on a cruise three days after the funeral of my son. I utilized that time to file for a divorce and started packing up his things. My family assisted me with everything that I needed to do. They provided comfort. They had their own thoughts about Aaron. Aaron was served divorce in the driveway. 90 days later I was divorced. I had no contact with Aaron for four years. I blame myself for the death of my son, I blame myself for not supporting him when he was in conflict with Aaron. I just shut down. Oh, what I would give to get back time. Here I am again lost however not angry. I know that Joseph is now with his father Ronald, and I have both of them looking after me. My relationship with my God is strong and will never waver. God have brought me out from a very long way. God has never left myside. Or he will never leave me. I'm staying close to GOD for he is my strength and my refuge. God I'm going to Las Vegas and will be there for my birthday. Please keep my safe and healthy while I'm there. Thank you for giving me the funds to pay for Tasha and myself for this trip. God, I hear a lot of people winning millions by purchasing scratch off. I would a blessing to win big while I'm in Las Vegas. Securing my future. Please God answer this prayer, this request. I am giving you right now praises and glory and hallelujah for answering my prayer. I am happy God with all the blessings that you have given me. Your protection, your guidance, your heavenly angel and saints. I would just love to know that financially my children and myself will be okay. More than okay for I am a daughter of a king, The GOD of the Most High. I want to let the world know hoe truly I am blesesed and loved by my GOD. I want to feel it myself. I want to relax and focus just on you. Not worrying about employment and paying bills, paying off my debts. Please please God let Las Vegas be a Hugh win for me. I'm not going to get in debt either. Once I hit big, I'm done. Giving you all the glory and all the praise. For I know this blessing came from you. God it is audit time again. I need your assistance to complete this audit within the time frame. I need help with my wording in my progress notes and treatment plans and the mental health assessment. I want to score higher than before. God also I'm with Betterhelp online therapy platform. I want to help your people. Yes I also want to do more with Betterhelp than with my private practice. I will keep a few clients just to keep my license active. I'm here for you God and nobody else. I need your guidance in which way I need to be going. I want to continued being financially stable and secure. I need all my bills paid and doing things that I want to do. I know from whom my blessings come from. It comes from you God. I know that I am a daughter of a King. God please bless all my crystals that I have throughout my house and those that I wear daily. Energize them so that they produce what you created them to produce. I trust in you God. Continue to shelter me from the bad and evil of this world. Please keep me healthy and strong. I carry you GOD in my heart, my soul and my mind. I know that I truly need you to survive in this world. Please allow me to live comfortably. I write this prayer in the mighty name of Jesus Christ. God be the glory for ever and ever Amen !!!